This is it. It’s over. My life, as I know it, has changed forever. Nothing will ever be the same again. It’s all over. Done. Finito.
A glorious phase in my life is over, and I am on the verge of an existential crisis—What’s next for me? For some, this decision comes easily, and they move on to some new project. But me, I have a tough time relinquishing attachments. I just sit in my cold dark bedroom, listening to the rains playing a melancholy tune outside my window, and stare into nothingness.
How do I begin to explain how glorious that phase was. At the start, you are indifferent towards it because it’s a new world for you—just giving it a try to see how it goes because your friends or someone got you into it. Eventually, you open yourself up to the overwhelming gamut of emotional experiences. And that’s the game-changing moment. You become so involved and passionate about it, devoting every minute, every thought, and every square inch of your feelings to this one thing. It becomes your story.
And then come the relationships. The very people who were mere strangers before become so important that life without them is unimaginable. Their life stories become your life story now. You never miss a chance to see them and want to know every possible thing that’s happening in their lives. Some of them you love, some you hate, some inspire you and teach you life lessons, and some are just there to make everything fun. If you are lucky, you may even find potential soul-mate material. When you have shared every possible emotion over time with these people, you know one thing for sure—after the inevitable ‘The End’, you’re going to miss them all. Yes, even the irritating ass hats and pompous SOBs.
It’s not like there was no separation before. The ‘twice-a-year’ breaks and the small ones in between didn’t bother much; in fact, they strengthened the bond. But this ending had a finality to it, bringing along with it denials and endless wallowing in old memories. What else can you do, when there’s bleak hope for making new ones. For a while, you desperately await some news of possible reunions, because however satisfying farewells may have been, there’s always something more that can be spoken, heard and felt. Sometimes, your prayers may be answered. If not, you relapse into the little comfort and lot of nostalgia that old photos, videos, music, and the Internet can offer, as you relentlessly cyber stalk these people and their lives like an obsessed fan. Old memories can sustain you, but is it ever enough?
You know the answer to this. Find something new that stimulates you and make it your new obsession. Find new characters and build new relationships to interweave in your life story. But is it that easy after all? You just gave your heart and soul over to something; how do you find another something that you’re equally, if not more, passionate about? How do you make a connection with a new bunch of strangers and their lives? And when you have so many options to choose from, how do you know which one will be as desirable, fulfilling and ‘life-changingly’ awesome as your previous choice?
You get now why this is such a big deal? I have to find something good enough and soon, or I might get lost deeper into this avalanche of misery and indecision. Most people who don’t understand what I am going through think I am over-reacting and want me to snap out of it. Those who empathize offer suggestions to deal with my dilemma. Not much help but you can’t blame them; people’s tastes differ, and I find it difficult to let go of my high expectations. My friends keep calling and texting me to remind me that I should be depressed about college life being over. My parents think I ought to be more concerned about making career choices. Like these things even matter anymore!
Doesn’t anyone get it? I am in the middle of a crisis here! How can they expect me to bother about hangout plans and career choices when I am trying to cope up with the fact that my favourite TV show—the story and characters that I stuck with till the very end; lived and breathed and related to for a considerable chunk of years; and cried, laughed, cheered, hated, loved and lost with—has come to an end and I don’t know what I will do with my life now? My world is ending here guys! Some sensitivity please! Seriously man, how will I ever survive this?
*This post is dedicated to Richard Castle (Castle), Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries) and Dean Winchester (Supernatural) in light of the season finales of their respective TV shows. I know it’s not the end, but this excruciatingly painful wait for the next season is a bitch, and when the end does come eventually, this is what you will be putting a lot of people through. You have been warned.