Indecision

Will you judge me if I apologize again for not writing in since my last post, about two weeks back?

See, that’s my problem. I lack conviction. Strong willpower. Lately, my life has become one big questionnaire with multiple choice answers.

And, me, I’m suffering from chronic indecision.

Here, I list down the things that have me stuck in a rut and somewhat unfocused.

1. The Reading Challenge: To Do or Not Do? 

   I found a fun reading challenge off the internet in July and wanted to do it here, on the blog. I have half a dozen of unread books that I haven’t touched because I’m saving them for the Challenge.

    

   
   And yet, I keep having misgivings about starting this Challenge. I mean, it’s already past mid-year. Probably too late for a reading challenge to be undertaken, right? In addition, I promised myself to review almost every book I finish. Which brings me to the next dilemma.

2. The Sisterhood Series: To Finish or Not Finish? 

   I started reading The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Series by Ann Brashares sometime last month. I was curious about it since I did enjoy the movies. To be honest, the series was good but it didn’t grip me as much as I expected it to. Probably because I am so off the age group it’s targetted at.

   
   Now, I have this reader ethic, where I finish a book that I’ve started, even if I do not enjoy it. I have on previous occasions bent the rule (it’s not set in stone or anything) but I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet this time. I am on the last book in the series, and while there has been a major plot twist, I’m still not tempted to read it.

   I took a break from reading the book when The Cursed Child arrived. And though I finished that in two hours, I haven’t yet reviewed it because I have to review this one first!

   All this while, Sisterhood Everlasting remains on my Currently Reading on Goodreads, as if shaming me for cheating on my ethic.

3. The Gym: To Go or Not Go?
   
   Universal dilemma, I won’t try to stake my claim over it.

   
   I love how gymming makes me feel. The one month that I gymmed regularly and followed my diet plan to the T, I felt all those positive emotions. Lost some weight too. When my clothes looked better on me, I was elated.But then, the monotony set in. So did the monsoon. I hated trampling through all that muck to get to the gym. I normally go to the gym in the evening and suddenly, plans came up that became excuses to shirk away from going. I didn’t want to ruin my hair; I would get late for dinner plans, vacations, weekend, etc. And right when I decided I would resume gymming, I’d be surfing the crimson wave. Tch tch.

   

   Of course, I get a lot of flak from my mom, who taunts me for every day of missed gymming. And she isn’t wrong. I’ve failed on my claims of strong willpower.

   People keep saying that you need to be comfortable with your body. But the same people will “swipe left” when it comes to being attracted to someone who’s overweight. However funny, witty, smart and intelligent a girl is, very few can look past the physicality of it all. And I don’t blame them. I am a hypocrite who wants the best looking guy for herself too.

   So, I want to lose that weight, and shop at Forever 21, and have a hot guy think of me as legit eye candy.

   But honestly, I just don’t want to go to the gym 😦

   

4. The Ambivert Problem: To Socialize or Not Socialize?
   
   
   I love plans as long as I am not making them. I am perfectly okay with others telling me where and when I need to show up to eat/chill/hangout/celebrate/have fun.

   Is that wrong? I am currently jobless and spend 90% of my day in my room, on my bed, wearing PJs, with my phone, laptop and a book. And I love it. So anything that takes me away from all that has to come from others, not me.And it does, you know. There’s a plan every alternate day and I find a way to avoid every alternate plan. I ask myself, why the hell did I have to cancel? And then a new episode or some interesting plot twist in the book takes away all the guilt. I know, a lot of friends hate me for this, but really is it so bad? I thought friendship was supposed to be voluntary. Like I get it when my parents force me to attend family events. There’s an unspoken contract to attend those, lest relatives’ feelings get hurt. But shouldn’t friends be more understanding?I spent all of my college years socialising.

   When I made workplace friends, I practically went out twice or thrice a week, willingly and eagerly. But now, don’t I deserve to spend my time the way I want without being judged for it?

5. The Shower: To Wash Hair or Not To Wash Hair?
   
   Imagine not washing your hair because you have cardio at the gym today. And then a friend calls about a plan tonight. You were all prepared to take a quick shower post-gym  but now? Now you’ve got to wash your hair. The horror!

   Now imagine washing your hair because it’s NOT cardio at the gym today. Your hair is slightly sweaty and greasy post gym but who cares, right? RIGHT? And then a friend calls about a plan tonight. What are you going to do? Do you head out with flat, greasy hair? Do you wash it twice in the same day? WHAT?

   
   Laugh all you want but this is serious. It’s the most troublesome of them all. I have to face it every morning and there’s no avoiding it. And you know what’s the worst part? I am in it for life.

Consider this a legit SOS signal.

I’ve heard journaling helps. So what kind of journal should I keep?

1. Diary?
2. Bullet?
3. Blog?
4. Evernote?

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH!