ThE THiNG ABouT WeDDingS…

The thing about weddings and funerals is this—they are a bit more fun when they are not yours. At least in the latter, you get to be the one and only guest of honour and centre of all attention, with people saying some really nice (possibly, forced) things about you.

But weddings, they are a difficult affair. You spend a lot of money to ensure that everything, including you and your to-be spouse, looks like royalty personified, the venue and décor spell elegance and grandiose, and the food and drinks reflect your exquisite taste.

All this for what though? An evening where you have to smile till your facial muscles hurt; pretend to be happy to see every guest, most of who you may have never met before in your life and get criticized for making the big mistake of wearing something you like (on YOUR wedding!) rather than heeding the suggestions of the self-proclaimed fashion police aunties.

And God forbid if the biryani and desserts are remotely delicious—your guests’ attention will shift from the bride and groom to the buffet counters faster than you can say ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).

One of the latest trends is having destination weddings (I firmly believe anything beyond Dahisar toll naka is destination wedding). You could go on and on about its many advantages but lets face it—it’s always about better photos. With social media’s growing focus on an individual’s social life, attending weddings has become something of a style statement rather than just an occasion to get free food. Posting pictures/statuses/check-ins/videos on Facebook, Instagram and other such SNSes of the weddings attended is like signing the attendance sheet for a lecture you entered in the last five minutes before the bell—celebrity wali feeling aati hai!

When you’re in your 20s, you’re smack in the middle of the wedding zone. Education is almost at the finish line, career is about to take off, and parents have started taking matrimonial ads seriously. Suddenly, a friend or colleague gets engaged. And then, one by one, the dominoes start to fall. The world goes all Sooraj Barjatya on you, and you’re drawn into this whirlwind of engagements, mehndi and sangeet rehearsals, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and the big finale of it all—your friend’s wedding.

Now picture this. A close friend’s destination wedding spread over a couple of days. A group of friends attending it. A road trip. Free food and booze. It already sounds exciting (and nobody’s even mentioned Goa).

But as I have always believed, what make such weddings extra fun are the friends you enjoy them with. Here are some of the several interesting types of friends you may encounter at another friend’s wedding:

 

• The Planner: Right from booking everyone’s tickets for the trip to planning the sightseeing on free days to listing the games everyone will play when travelling (dumb charades), this person plans it all. Hates deviating from the plans. May be assisted by other members of the group with a similar OCD problem.

 

• The Non-conformist: Always wants to do the exact opposite of what everyone else wants to do. Ends up either agreeing with majority or wasting everyone’s time and patience. In serious danger of getting stabbed by The Planner for digressing from plans.

 

• The Grumbler: Complains about everything—the weather, food, accommodation, roads and transport, wedding music, other guests, contribution for the wedding gift, not having enough clothes, excessive luggage, sightseeing options, politicians, national security, world poverty, and so on.

 

• The DSLR Dude: The one with the professional camera (and hopefully, the skills to use it well). Cannot go more than 30 seconds without clicking something. Chick magnet. VIP status. In event of any catastrophe, most likely to be saved first.

 

• The Other DSLR Dude: Because one is never enough.

 

• The Bathroom/Dressing Table Hogger: Never ready on time. Partial amnesia. Tends to forget others have to dress up too. The female species exhibits more severe symptoms than the male.

 

• The Narcissist: Ability to transform any and every reflective surface into a mirror, including cell phones screens in standby mode.

 

• The Selfie Brigade: Easy to spot. Look for duck faces, raised eyebrows and “Peace/Victory” hand gestures.

 

• The I&B Ministry: Responsible for all statuses and check ins, Instagrams, tweets and Whatsapp/BBM dps. Will hound others to send photos and videos the very next second. Statutory Warning: Run before they can say “Pic send kar, dp rakhna hai!”

 

• The Extended Family Member: Most intriguing of all. In a span of days, becomes overly familiar with the bride and groom’s families and best friends with their parents, owing to excellent people skills and too much enthusiasm. Is likely to become like an extended family member and may be seen supervising wedding preparations and welcoming guests as if it were their own family function. Will be the first to be pulled to dance and will do so right at the forefront of the baraat, with other guests copying their steps. Will send and receive friend requests to all the cousins and uncle aunties. By the end of the wedding, will know all about which chaachi is fighting with which buaa.

 

This isn’t an exhaustive list. I am pretty sure you can think of many more such categories. But in the end, what matters is how all these characters come together for that friend who is about to embark on a new journey to create that perfect K3G photo that every wedding album must have!

The thing about weddings is this—it’s all about making memories!